Of all the cinematic mistakes we’ve seen in 2024, this one feels like the most inevitable.

Moana did not need a sequel. It was so perfectly self-contained, such an elegantly textbook “kid’s first monomyth” that we all would’ve been fine with just the one movie. But of course Disney could never leave well enough alone and we all knew a sequel was coming. Still, at least we could hope the next entry would be good.

And maybe it would’ve been. But the timing ruined any chance this movie might’ve had.

At the time of the first movie’s release in 2016, Moana herself (voiced by Auli’i Cravalho) was a delightful extension of the “empowered Disney Princess” template that Tangled introduced and Frozen perfected. In the years since, that trend has run its course. Encanto, Wreck-it-Ralph 2, and Frozen 2 had all played it out before Wish killed it stone-cold dead.

There’s also Dwayne Johnson (the voice of Maui) to consider. At the time of release, Johnson was still massively charismatic and popular. And before anyone says he still is, let me point you to the massive financial losses for Jungle Cruise, Black Adam, and Red One. He can’t act, he’s gotten too expensive and overexposed for his own good, and his schtick has gone stale in the time since 2016.

That’s not even getting started on the issue of generative AI. The in-house style at Disney Animation Studios has been so thoroughly and literally strip-mined that it’s now the go-to standard for AI-generated cartoons and animations. For the past few years, we’ve been neck-deep in a cavalcade of shitty soulless computer-generated renders made in the style of Moana and her ilk. Which tragically means that now every frame of the first movie and its sequel looks like shitty AI-generated art. It’s stupid and unfair, but that’s where we are right now. And of course I can’t blame the filmmakers for this greater trend in generative AI, but I can absolutely blame them for their failure to adapt to the times.

Then came the last nail in the coffin: The strikes. Moana 2 was initially set to be a limited series on Disney+, right up until it was retooled into a theatrical release at the last minute. Which just happened to be roughly the same time when studios were scraping together whatever they could rush out the door and into theaters to get through 2024 in the aftermath of the AMPAS holdouts. No way could that be a coincidence.

Anyway, the story for the sequel is pretty straightforward. The premise begins a long time prior, when some tyrannical storm god named Nalo tried to consolidate his own power by splitting up the human tribes. He did this by sinking Motufetu, an island that served as a hub between the different tribes.

Cut to the end of the first movie, when Moana befriended a demigod and came into her own as a supernaturally gifted wayfinder. Which means that Moana could potentially be capable of uncovering Motufetu. So now she has to get it done and stop Nalo before he pre-emptively destroys everything.

Yeah, this movie has a serious antagonist problem. Bad enough that Nalo is a one-dimensional villain with no motivation or greater plan, and he doesn’t even show up onscreen or get a line until the mid-credits stinger. (Seriously, Disney, you used to be so much better with villain songs. What the hell?) But what might be even worse is the lack of any challenge. When Maui got his fish hook handed back to him at the end of the first movie, it sent a clear message that this series is allergic to long-term consequences and the heroes must always be seen as invulnerable.

Maybe that was Disney’s corporate influence. Maybe that was Exec Producer Dwayne Johnson, who famously insists that he has to be portrayed as an invulnerable paragon at all times. Maybe the filmmakers had to make everything easy for the protagonist so she could breeze through 6+ hours of material in 100 minutes. Regardless, it makes Moana look like a Mary Sue, which is a dreadful downgrade from the first movie.

Except for the big climactic showdown, there’s no illusion of risk or danger. If Moana doesn’t immediately solve every problem through her own innate awesomeness, she’s getting effortlessly bailed out by the other characters or some deus ex machina. My personal favorite example concerns Matangi (Awhimai Fraser), a character clearly and deliberately coded as a potentially cool villain until she suddenly turns face. Such a waste.

To be entirely fair, it’s not like the sequel is entirely void of character development or theme. The big recurring theme is the notion of teamwork. After all, Moana and Maui have both come to be so independently capable, they need to learn how to rely on others and be a part of something bigger. It’s a neat extension of their development arcs from the first movie.

Unfortunately, we’re stuck with a trio of one-dimensional characters (the Maui fanboy voiced by Hualālai Chung, the micromanaging boatwright voiced by Rose Matafeo, and the cranky old coot voiced by David Fane) who aren’t given the time or space to develop into anything interesting, much less a team with any cohesive chemistry. Another unfortunate casualty of trimming this down from a limited series to a theatrical release. Sure, we get a musical number with them — these filmmakers freaking love their musical montages, like they’re a viable substitute for character development. Sorry, but it’s not enough. Especially since Lin-Manuel Miranda left and apparently took the previous movie’s charm with him.

What sucks most of all is that Moana 2 isn’t really a bad movie, just a good product watered down to a mediocrity by reasons beyond the filmmakers’ control. I can respect the filmmakers’ efforts at opening up the world of the first movie, but they’re stuck trying to make a sequel to a movie that didn’t need it, and they’re stuck with Disney conventions that have grown outdated in the post-COVID times. It’s entirely possible that this movie could’ve worked if the characters and the world-building had been given the intended 6+ hours to really develop, but this end result comes off as rushed and half-assed.

The first film was a textbook example of a monomyth. The second film is a textbook example of a film delivered by people with no idea what they wanted to make except money. And it already worked.

Driving back home from the theater, I heard that Wicked and Moana 2 had already delivered a massively lucrative box office weekend to a film industry badly in need of a windfall, and it was all because of “families” coming to theaters. Which means this movie has already made its money back and Hollywood still refuses to accept that female-driven films made and marketed for women can make money. None of this is going to matter.

Even so, everything about this movie shows clear and craven desperation. Marvel is in a fallow period, nobody can get another Star Wars film off the ground no matter who’s in charge, nobody knows what the hell to do with Disney+ in a post-COVID world, and the company’s only other major hit came from a studio (namely Pixar) that corporate had thoroughly gutted the month before. Disney badly needed a hit, and now they’ve got one. As to what they do with this franchise moving forward or what they do with the cash influx, time will tell.

One can only hope they adjust their in-house style to look like something other than their generative AI lookalikes. Or maybe they can release the “director’s cut” of Moana 2 as a limited Disney+ series. Maybe the inevitable Moana 3 could actually be released for the intended medium.

But somehow, I doubt it.