The first act of this movie had me absolutely hooked. Sam Jackson and Dwayne Johnson were going through typical cop movie motions and playing them perfectly straight. It was film parody at its finest and I can’t possibly justify in words how true and funny it was. Those opening minutes had me pumped for a hilarious action movie spoof.

Then came the second act. And it was all I could do to keep from walking out of the theater.

See, the second act of the movie focuses on Will Ferrell to the exclusion of all else. He does get some laughs here and there, but there are way too many scenes in which he keeps talking on and on, beating some joke or stream of consciousness like a rented mule. Case in point: There’s a five-minute flashback scene in which we see Ferrell’s character gradually turn into an unwitting pimp during his college years. And it has fuck-all to do with the overall story. “Shut the hell up!” I wanted to scream at so many points in the movie. “Start moving the narrative forward or let someone else get a few laughs!”

Mark Wahlberg plays Ferrell’s partner in this movie and I genuinely feel sorry for the guy. He gets an awesome action sequence in the movie, kicking half a dozen asses in brilliant fashion, only for Ferrell to deliver the ending one-liner. That’s pretty much how it is throughout the movie.

Wahlberg’s chemistry with Ferrell is nonexistent because it’s totally one-sided. He can barely get a word in next to Ferrell, which makes him a very ineffective straight man. The only time when the film completely gives him the floor is when it tries to make Wahlberg goofy or wacky (see: that awful peacock running gag), which is actually even worse. It would have been funny if the two had brought their own respective styles to their characters and then let them clash. Instead, Wahlberg is stuck trying to imitate the schtick that Ferrell has perfected over so many years. Next to the genuine article, it’s just pathetic. His floatation device joke was funny, as was his fight at the funeral, but Wahlberg is otherwise wasted here.

The secondary characters are hit-and-miss. Rob Riggle and Damon Wayans Jr. (yes, you read that right) start out as rather annoying and stock bully characters, but they get some great bits near the end. Michael Keaton is very good until that horrid TLC running gag in the movie’s back half. The film was surprisingly good at coaxing a comedic performance out of Eva Mendes, but deserves heaps of scorn for how it underutilized Steve Coogan. The man is unacceptably wasted here, with precious little screen time, even fewer opportunities for humor and absolutely zero jokes that worked. For shame.

I had an absolute bear of a time sitting through the second act, until Mark Wahlberg slides down a glass table in slo-mo, guns blazing. “Ah,” I thought. “We’re back to the brilliant parody at last.” There was also a very funny gag involving a little old lady, a brief sex scene spoof and a surprisingly well-done car chase. Unfortunately, the climax involves New York City getting shot up in broad daylight by Chechen mobsters and Nigerian terrorists… and the NYPD is on their side. Seriously, even by superficial action movie comedy standards, that’s hard to swallow.

Then came the denouement and the credits, which absolutely pissed me off. The denouement, you see, contains a rather pointed jibe about government bailouts. And the end credits are filled with educational graphics about white collar crime, corporate corruption and crooked politics. This implies that the movie was about these things all along. BULLSHIT!

Yes, the antagonists are white collar criminals of various kinds, but they’re barely ever seen in this movie. Moreover, the bad guys’ central financial scheme is far too complicated for an action movie parody, with several wealthy and high-profile players who get only a few seconds of screen time, if any. The scheme itself isn’t given anywhere near the time or exposition to establish its details or importance, much less enough to act as commentary or satire. They obviously couldn’t fit any discussion about this deep and relevant theme, ripe for comedic ribbing, because they needed room for Ferrell to babble about a lion getting eaten by tuna.

This movie is a paper-thin underdog story designed solely as a vehicle for Will Ferrell. That’s it. If you want a funny buddy comedy that talks about corporate crime, tune in to the USA Network and a little show called White Collar. If you want an action buddy comedy that serves as a superlative parody of its genre, go watch Hot Fuzz.

If you’re a fan of Will Ferrell, then The Other Guys was made for you and I hope you enjoy it. Otherwise, think long and hard before you spend your time and money on this one.