Okay, let’s get this over with. My predictions for the Oscars will be presented below with minimal commentary. I’ll save my outrage for the night of the actual ceremony, when I’ll post the winners and my reactions in red text. Though I will say that the horrendous nominations oversights made for some great awards races. The competitions are much closer to call than they’ve been for quite some time, so at least we can look forward to a more exciting night.<\/p>\n
Still, I’ve got a strong record of correctly guessing at least two out of three. Last year, I only missed three out of 24. Here’s hoping for luck that’s just as good this year.<\/p>\n
Looks like the red carpet is finally over. Let’s get to it.<\/span><\/p>\n And NPH hits us with a racial joke right out of the gate. Then NPH starts singing about how no one’s drinking, then Cumberbatch is there with a flask and a “fuck you.” The night’s off to a strong start.<\/span><\/p>\n …Anna Kendrick, I love you, but NPH was doing just fine before you came along. And Jack Black isn’t helping matters either.<\/span><\/p>\n …Actually, I take that back. Jack Black’s intervention did a great job of addressing all the cynicism surrounding the Oscars and Hollywood. It was a neat little reality check, though this whole opening segment is a fantastic love letter to movies past and present.<\/span><\/p>\n And just like that, NPH deservedly became the next go-to Oscars host. Here’s hoping AMPAS can take him away from the Tonys for another few years in the future. So far, he’s doing a fantastic job of making an argument for why the Oscars are still relevant and why movies still matter, with just the right amount of self-effacing humor. This is easily the best hosting job I think I’ve ever seen, though that’s not saying much.<\/span><\/p>\n Best Supporting Actor<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Should Win:<\/strong> Mark Ruffalo,\u00a0Foxcatcher<\/em><\/p>\n Will Win:<\/b> J.K. Simmons, Whiplash<\/i><\/p>\n Did Win:<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0J.K. Simmons, Whiplash<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n It sucks that Ruffalo didn’t get the Oscar for the best performance of his career, but Simmons is a superb character actor who’s had this coming for a long time. Even if the character is a malicious exaggeration of musical education, there’s no denying that he played it well. And good on Simmons for keeping it humble and funny in a heartfelt way.<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n Now we have the host’s running joke for the ceremony. The concept of the host’s Oscar predictions is a little clunky, but at least I’m intrigued. Plus, involving the folks behind the scenes of the Oscars was a neat touch. I’m not interested\u00a0enough to follow the livestream of the fucking glass box, but still.<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n Are we piping in the orchestra again this year? For fuck’s sake.<\/span><\/p>\n Adam Levine begins singing, and I immediately start wishing that Keira Knightley’s version of the song was the one that got nominated. No chance of a duet? Anything to distract from Levine’s godawful voice? No? Well, okay then. At least the band is up onstage playing with him.<\/span><\/p>\n “Tell Me If You Wanna Go Home” should’ve been the one to get nominated, dammit!<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n And NPH just made a joke about how absolutely no one in the whole country appreciates the ridiculously expensive gift bags. The occasional clunker joke aside, I love the job he’s doing.<\/span><\/p>\n Best Costume Design<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Should Win:<\/b> Milena Canonero,\u00a0The Grand Budapest Hotel<\/em><\/p>\n Will Win:<\/strong>\u00a0Milena Canonero,\u00a0The Grand Budapest Hotel<\/em><\/p>\n Did Win:\u00a0<\/span><\/strong>Milena Canonero,\u00a0<\/span>The Grand Budapest Hotel<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n I’m just grateful that it didn’t go to\u00a0Maleficent<\/em> or\u00a0Into the Woods.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n Okay, NPH, that “with her spoon” joke was just awful. Please don’t make me take back any of the compliments I’ve already written down.<\/span><\/p>\n Best Makeup and Hairstyling<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Should Win:<\/strong>\u00a0Elizabeth Yianni-Georgiou and David White,\u00a0Guardians of the Galaxy<\/em><\/p>\n Will Win:<\/strong>\u00a0Frances Hannon and Mark Coulier,\u00a0The Grand Budapest Hotel<\/em><\/p>\n Did Win:\u00a0<\/strong>Frances Hannon and Mark Coulier,\u00a0The Grand Budapest Hotel<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n In retrospect, this one absolutely deserved to win over GotG<\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n Hi, Channing Tatum! Sorry\u00a0Jupiter Ascending<\/em> sucked so bad!<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n Yeah, it sucks that we all have to learn how to pronounce “Chiwetel Ejiofor,” doesn’t it, NPH?<\/span><\/p>\n Best Foreign Language Film<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Should Win:\u00a0<\/strong>No preference<\/p>\n Will Win:\u00a0<\/strong>Ida<\/em><\/p>\n Did Win:<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0Ida<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Still haven’t seen it, but going with the nominee that landed a few other nominations is usually a sure bet. Good thing the wrap-up music started playing. Pawel Pawlikowski\u00a0would keep talking until he ran out of words. He’s\u00a0hopelessly flustered, bless his heart.<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n Shirley MacLaine is still alive?! Holy cow.<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n If Eddie Redmayne wins, can he please deliver his acceptance speech with the voice he used in\u00a0Jupiter Ascending<\/em>?<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n Now NPH introduces us to the “seat-fillers.” And that was our filler segment. How fitting.<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n This “Everything is Awesome!!!” segment is just as colorful and batshit crazy as we could ever have hoped. It’s a thing of beauty. And then Batman comes in (Will Arnett himself, wearing the costume from Batman Forever<\/em>!), followed by a keyboardist\u00a0with a Devo hat. This is so freaking gorgeous. I love it.<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n Ooh, the short films. Always the toughest to predict. Good luck, everyone!<\/span><\/p>\n Best Live Action Short<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Should Win:<\/strong> No preference<\/p>\n Will Win:<\/strong>\u00a0Boogaloo and Graham<\/em><\/p>\n Did Win:<\/strong>\u00a0The Phone Call<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n So far, the real losers tonight are the poor musicians playing the walk-off music.<\/span><\/p>\n Best Documentary Short<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Should Win:<\/strong> No preference<\/p>\n Will Win:<\/strong>\u00a0Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1<\/em><\/p>\n Did Win:<\/strong>\u00a0Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/span><\/p>\n Maureen O’Hara, Hayao Miyazaki, and Harry Belafonte went this long without lifetime achievement awards?! Better late than never, I suppose.<\/span><\/p>\n