I don’t expect this will be an ordinary blog entry, since Jackass 3D is hardly an ordinary film. I can’t comment on the acting or the writing because there isn’t any of either. The editing is solid and the 3D is glorious — doubly so during the many slo-mo and instant replay shots — but any discussion of the film on a technical level pretty much ends at that. The film has absolutely nothing to warrant any kind of deep analysis, since this is the lowest of lowbrow cinema and you all know it. So what does that leave me to talk about?

Oh, yeah. The stunts.

The stunts in this movie are so varied and creative, I scarcely know where to begin. There’s “The Electric Avenue,” a gauntlet of cattle prods and tasers that our foolhardy stuntmen run through while dressed as convicts, and the “Lamborghini Tooth Pull,” which is exactly what it sounds like. I also liked the attempt to slingshot a guy up a ramp and into a wading pool while riding a wheelbarrow (that one didn’t go so well).

Naturally, there are also a ton of crotch shots to choose from. “Tee Ball” is a good one in this category, though I definitely prefer “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” (with an actual donkey). It’s also worth mentioning that the nudity can get quite explicit, as evidenced by “The Helicockter” and a little skit in which a guy hits a ping-pong ball with his penis and another guy tries to catch it. With his mouth. Did I mention it’s all in slo-mo?

And let’s not forget all the butt-related stunts. We’ve got “Apple of my Ass,” in which a pig eats an apple from an obese man’s bunghole. The crew also gets a very talented fartist friend to blow a number of things with his anus, including a trumpet, a blowdart gun and one of those uncurling party whistles. Naturally, there’s a shot in which the whistle uncurls toward the camera.

If you think of all this as disgusting, I’d hate to hear what you think of the “Poo Cocktail Supreme.” That’s the port-a-potty one seen in the trailer, though the trailer doesn’t show any of the copious and biohazardous collateral damage. I’m sure a lot of people will pick that as the grossest stunt in the movie, but my vote on that goes to the “Sweatsuit Cocktail.” I’ll only say that when so many of the cast and crew on Jackass are vomiting in reaction to a stunt, rather than part of it, you know it’s really fucking nasty.

Ah, but not all of the stunts involve genitalia and/or bodily fluids. No, some of the stunts involve our idiots putting themselves at the mercy of animals. I was particularly fond of “The Ram Jam” in which two of the men try to serenade a really angry ram with a trumpet and a tuba, only to get repeatedly headbutted for the effort. There’s also the classic “Invisible Man,” Johnny Knoxville’s attempt to hide from a charging bull by blending into a background painting (spoiler alert: It doesn’t work).

The film also has several miscellaneous acts of stupidity, such as a jet ski jump, the “Christmas tree” stunt in the trailer, a whole lot of fun with a jet engine and a motorcycle jump that pays clear homage to Evel Knievel. Some guest celebrities also join the fun, such as when a pro NFL player brutally tackles Knoxville during a mock football game refereed by Sean William Scott. There’s also a stunt featuring filmmaker Spike Jonze in drag.

Of course, this movie isn’t just about the stunts. It’s also about the presentation. For example, there’s an early stunt in which we see the crew talking to a beekeeper. We don’t know what the stunt is at this point, just that we’re dealing with about 15,000 bees and those involved will definitely get stung. Then they’re talking with another bee expert who exposits that 100 bee stings is the lethal limit for a grown man (remember, there are 12-15,000 bees involved here). Next, we see two of the cast completely naked except for loincloths and bear ears. Just from the look of that, you know that whatever’s coming is going to be fucked up. No, I’m not going to tell you what the stunt was, just to say that it’s totally worth the set-up.

Another favorite is when we learn that Bam Margera is extremely afraid of snakes, so they trick him to fall into an 11-foot pit full of real and rubber snakes. A cruel prank? Maybe. But it’s important to remember that these guys are all good friends in spite of everything. In fact, my absolute favorite stunt in the movie is its very first: The “High Five,” as seen at the end of the trailer. I love this stunt because everyone is so visibly enjoying it. The guys springing the hand are laughing. The guys who got hit are laughing harder. The audience I was with was in hysterics. Everyone is having a good time together and that perfectly sets the tone for the rest of the movie.

Last but not least, there are the public stunts. “Candid Camera”-style pranks pulled on unknowing civilians. These segments are works of performance art all on their own. The scenes are so creative and ingenious in their execution that I can’t bring myself to spoil any of them. Suffice to say that everyone’s day is made a lot more unreal and watching their reactions was some other kind of comedy.

I could keep going, but there’s really not much else to say about Jackass 3D except to continue describing stunts in the movie. That would probably be redundant, as you certainly know by now whether or not this movie is for you. Hell, you probably knew that before you started reading. I’m not really sure what this blog entry is supposed to accomplish, except to say that I personally had a great time with this movie. I was laughing my ass off through the whole thing — don’t judge me and I won’t judge you.

Also, don’t be worried about written spoilers for this movie. Any written recap can only scratch the surface of this movie’s insanity and no words can do justice to the stunts in this film or their amazing 3D presentation. You really have to see it to disbelieve it.