The 1950s and ’60s were truly a golden time for science fiction. Sputnik and the space race had given humanity a bright sense of optimism about human capabilities, not to mention a starry-eyed sense of wonder about what would be waiting for us in deep space and what technology we might develop along the way. Perhaps the greatest example of this is in the original “Star Trek,” that colorful vision of an enlightened and peaceful humanity boldly exploring the stars. I’d also hold up “The Jetsons” as an example, with its whimsical depiction of life in the stars with machines and robots catering to our every need.

Then there’s Forbidden Planet.

This story begins with the Bellerophon, a spaceship that went to the planet Altair IV with a crew set on colonizing the planet. After twenty years of radio silence, the people of Earth finally send a search and rescue team. The S&R crew, led by Commander John J. Adams, arrive to meet the Bellerophon’s sole survivor, Dr. Edward Morbius. They also meet Morbius’ young daughter, Altaira, and his robot servant, known as “Robby.” Yes, Morbius built himself a robot servant. You see, the doctor has been spending the past two decades working with machinery left behind by a highly advanced but currently extinct race of aliens that used to occupy Altair IV. These aliens, the Krell, were all killed off by some mysterious force that is now slaughtering Adams’ crew.

Does that sound like an amazing science fiction story? Trust me, it isn’t. How could anyone screw this up? Let me count the ways.

But first, I should point out in the interest of fairness that this film came out in 1956. That puts it well before such classic spacebound sci-fi as the original “Star Trek,” “The Jetsons,” 2001: A Space Odyssey, “Doctor Who,” “Lost in Space” or even Plan 9 from Outer Space. This movie clearly influenced those other films and TV shows in plainly visible ways, which means that pretty much all of modern sci-fi owes a debt to Forbidden Planet in some way or another. On the other hand, this makes the film seem all the more dated, as everything done in this movie was done better in its progeny. Furthermore, because this film was the first, it had immense novelty value in the effects, concepts and technology on display. This initial fascination was so great that the entire movie was built around it. This was the first and unquestionably the greatest of this movie’s flaws.

This movie is outright masturbatory in its fascination with its own mythology. The film spends at least five minutes talking about Robby and everything he can and cannot do. Adams and company use their various gizmos in ways that have no absolutely no bearing on the plot (the Commander’s routine call to the ship during his initial visit to Morbius’ house comes to mind). Huge stretches of screen time are put into talking about the Krell and their technology. That might not be such a bad thing (God knows that self-indulgent techno-babble is hardly unusual in sci-fi), except that talking is all they do.

The film is a textbook violation of “show, don’t tell.” Those responsible clearly didn’t have the budget or the special effects technology to actually show most of these machines in action, which means that the characters have to describe them in conversation. I’ve seen some awful exposition, but never this bad and never in such extreme volumes. This might not have been such a problem in the ’50s, when fascination with futuristic technology was so high that even a glimpse of ray guns or wireless technology might be enough to keep audiences’ attentions. Now, of course, it’s not nearly enough.

The special effects and production design were clearly the focus of this picture, though to be fair, they’re not bad. Sure, there are some obvious matte paintings here and there, but the visuals here are pretty damn good for their time. Even the original “Star Trek” series, which came out a full decade later, never had anything that looked as good as what’s seen here. Nevertheless, there are several effects throughout that simply do not hold up. The crew’s fight with the monster was especially laughable, and the monster’s invisibility was clearly a cost-saving measure. I can easily see how people of the time might have been impressed, but it’s just not good enough for the modern day. I expect that this will be what the Transformers movies will look like fifty years from now, but I digress.

Quite simply, this film put exposition and effects where its plot should have been. That is not an exaggeration. An hour into this movie, I was seeing vast panoramas of alien technology, but I was still struggling to stay awake because there was no sign of a central conflict! The aforementioned monster doesn’t play any significant role until fifteen minutes from the end or so, and everything up until that point is just our characters casually talking! Hell, the opening scenes of our characters flying through space is focused entirely on talk of controls and mission objectives. All of this might have been interesting to people who knew nothing of space travel or now-modern technology, but I call it boring as fuck.

I’ve heard this film compared with “The Tempest,” but that’s what Lewis Black might call a “liar-liar-pants-on-fire situation.” Yes, there is a wise and powerful old man. Yes, he has a beautiful and naive young daughter. Yes, he has a magical and obedient servant. Yes, they are all stranded together away from humanity. The comparison ends there. There is no Caliban figure to engineer a betrayal. There is no Antonio that drove our Prospero away. Morbius and Adams’ crew have cordial — albeit tenuous — relations that could not be more unlike the vengeful Prospero acting against Alonso’s unaware crew.

So yeah, this film is exactly like “The Tempest”… but without any of the betrayal, revenge, scheming, comedy or insightful dialogue that made Shakespeare’s work a classic!

The editing is another key reason why this film was so totally boring. The pacing was bad enough, with the film so focused on dragging out every single line of exposition, but the film deliberately chose to leave several interesting and key segments off-camera. Yet perhaps the crowning moment of idiocy is when Adams was just starting to make a grand speech to his crew, only for the editor cut him off partway through. He didn’t even cut to a different scene: One moment, Adams is in the middle of a word; the next, he’s in a conversation with another crew member. That is just spectacularly unforgivable.

Then there’s the score. I understand that this film was one of the very first to feature an all-electronic musical score. I know that said music was composed a long time before the synthesizer heyday of the ’80s. I acknowledge that the very concept of an all-electronic score was a groundbreaking innovation that must have played a crucial part in the history of music as we know it today. Having said all that, this score sucks. The film’s most impressive moments are quite often accompanied by a musical vacuum and that deeply hurts the movie. What’s more, the electronic sounds in this film are just unpleasant to listen to. This music actually hurts the film more than helps it, and I can think of no greater failure for a score.

Finally, I feel I should mention that the characters in this film weren’t really all bad. Robby was charming in his own way, Morbius was a very interesting character, Altaira was likable, Adams was a solid leading man and they were all perfectly cast. Yes, a young Leslie Nielsen actually made for a convincing Prince Charming. Try and wrap your head around that one. I would gladly have sat through a film with these characters, if only they were given something interesting to do.

I had an awful time watching Forbidden Planet. We as a culture have outgrown this movie. It’s clear to see why this film was so impressive and influential in its day, but the only value this movie has now is as a museum piece. Anyone interested in science fiction history should watch this film with heavy amounts of stimulants within reach. Nobody else should bother.