What’s it going to take, people? How much longer does this have to go on?

We’ve already got Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie and Date Movie, every one an embarrassing disaster and a bigger box office dud than the one before it. Their most recent monstrosity, Disaster Movie, made only $14 million against a $20 million budget. You’d think that would be enough of a failure, but no.

We have this.

Seriously, what’s it going to take?! How many of these shallow and cheaply-produced cash grabs need to come out until we learn to stop paying to see them? When are the studios going to stop thinking that this is a good idea? How many more opportunities do we need to see that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are the most unfunny and untalented hacks working in show business today?

*sigh* Anyway, I guess we all should’ve known that it was only a matter of time before these assholes took on the Twilight franchise. God knows everyone else has. But what strikes me as strange is that Friedberg and Seltzer — known for writing jokes according to movie trailers so they’ll be relatively fresh when the movie comes out — took this long to get to it. All of the Twilight books have been released (not counting Midnight Sun, which is on indefinite hold) and the only movie left to go is the very last one. There’s not a joke in this trailer about Twilight or its fans that we haven’t already heard before, except for that tasteless delivery guy joke and that baseball gag, which… I’ll grudgingly admit was actually kind of funny. Still, the point stands that while a Twilight spoof movie might have been funny two or three years ago, this is well past its expiration date. All the low-hanging fruit has already been picked.

But of course, Friedberg and Seltzer never could make fun of just one thing. No, in their typical style, they have to spoof every single thing that’s remotely popular right now, logic and restraint be damned. Lady Gaga, Alice in Wonderland and the cast of Jersey Shore are on the block, and I’ll bet good money that Glee is somewhere in the movie, too. But really, that shouldn’t be necessary. There are so many Twilight jokes out there that making a movie out of nothing but them should be easy. No, it’s obvious that Friedberg and Seltzer are cramming in every pop culture reference they can not to be funny, but to boost box office dollars and maintain the illusion of relevance. In the trailer, Lady Gaga and the Jersey Shore cast don’t really do anything except stand around, which says volumes about how the filmmakers utilize them for comedy’s sake.

And Ken Jeong… what the fuck, dude? You were in The Hangover, one of the biggest-grossing comedies in the past few years and you’re a regular on Community, which is getting a second season. Why are you still looking for work and looking for it with goddamn Friedberg and Seltzer? If we knew that you still needed money this badly, we could’ve put on a bake sale or something. What happened, man?

The bottom line is that this movie should not exist.  Such genuine comedic talent as Ken Jeong should not have to stoop this low. Friedberg and Seltzer should not be working and no one should be paying one cent toward their careers.

Vampires Suck is being released this August 18. Also seeing release at around the same time are Lottery Ticket, Nanny McPhee Returns and Piranha 3D. This is gonna be a crappy weekend for movie lovers. At least The Expendables and Scott Pilgrim come out the weekend before.