Folks, I didn’t want to show you this. Ever since I first learned of it, I’ve been actively trying to forget it like the nightmare I hoped it was. But it’s not a nightmare. The Nutcracker in 3D is very real, complete with high-profile advertising.

It was attached to Ga’Hoole, which means that I recently saw the following trailer in 3D. This, to me, was the last straw. I now feel duty-bound to warn you, my readers and dear friends, about this coming disaster movie. Behold:

Just let that sink in for a moment. Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker — perhaps the most famous and beloved ballet of all time — is being turned into an action CGI extravaganza/Harry Potter ripoff (or maybe it’s ripping off Chronicles of Narnia. Don’t know, don’t care).

Folks, you know me. I’m not one of the purists with a knee-jerk reaction to anything getting remade. In fact, I really do believe that there’s room in the world of cinema for an entertaining adaptation of the ballet. But replacing the whimsical fantasy and dreamlike imagery with loud and shallow CGI is just not the way to go about this.

Of course, as I implied earlier, what really gets my goat about this whole thing is that it’s in 3D. First of all, The Nutcracker is already in 3D. It’s always been in 3D. In fact, the old-fashioned 3D is guaranteed to be better than this presentation in new 3D. I know this because I saw the three-dimensional treatment of this trailer and it sucks, surprising no one. The depth effects were totally off, to the point where it looked like Elle Fanning’s nose was visibly detached from her body. It’s a crappy post-conversion job from start to finish.

The Nutcracker in 3D is coming out this December 23rd. My friends, I implore you to spend that day and the next few at home with your loved ones. Do not see this movie. Do not support this transparent cash-grab. If your kids want to see a Christmas movie, you’ve already got so many classics to choose from. Hell, the real Nutcracker ballet will probably be on a stage near you.

Do whatever else you want, but please don’t dignify this movie with your box office dollars.