This review is based on a 3D screening in a non-IMAX (but still pretty big) screen.

First of all, let’s get the visuals out of the way. You know those people who say that 3D is just a gimmick? Not anymore. The Alice in Wonderland trailer played before the movie and that trailer looked like a fucking pop-up book next to this movie. Everything in Avatar had a depth to it that you just can’t get by making it 3D in post. I remember seeing a promo clip in which nothing happens except boilerplate dialogue and Neytiri flying in laps. But in the theater… well, the dialogue was still boilerplate and Neytiri still doesn’t do anything more than fly in laps. Still, that scene was visually far more impressive in 3D in a way that really has to be seen to be believed.

Then there’s the Na’vi. Those of you who think that these creations bridge the Uncanny Valley, listen up.

According to Wikipedia, “Mori’s hypothesis states that as a robot is made more humanlike in its appearance and motion, the emotional response from a human being to the robot will become increasingly positive and empathic, until a point is reached beyond which the response quickly becomes that of strong repulsion. However, as the appearance and motion continue to become less distinguishable from a human being, the emotional response becomes positive once more and approaches human-to-human empathy levels.”

Notice that the key word in that description is “human“. The Uncanny Valley is all about proximity to humans in appearance and these creatures are quite far removed from humans. Especially in regards to the eyes. Any fan of Japanese animation will tell you that emotion is much easier to convey with eyes that are disproportionately sized.

Does this mean that the Na’vi looked fake? Hell no. They all looked unique (though the war paint made them a bit harder to identify late in the movie), the emotions and facial movements came through loud and clear and I appreciated the subtle facial differences between natives and Avatars. Still, if James Cameron wants to convince me that this motion capture is so much better than earlier methods, he should make a movie like Beowulf or Polar Express and see how much better he can do at photo-real humans than Robert Zemeckis did.

On that note, I will say that Sam Worthington definitely has potential. He’s not quite a movie star yet, but give him a few more meaty roles and he’ll get there. Just ask Zoe Saldana, who’s already movie star material. Absolutely marvelous work from her.

As for the story, I’m afraid that the movie was not paced very well. Jake’s indoctrination montage took way too long, for instance. The Na’vi culture is nothing more than a hodgepodge of Native American, African and Arab tribes and Cameron pores over every detail of this planet and its wildlife, so I’m sure we could have filled in quite a few blanks on our own. Additionally, the Eywa deity and its method of interacting with the Na’vi play such a crucial role in the movie’s plot that Cameron really should have established them earlier than two-thirds into the movie.

Naturally, I have to talk about the infamous “kitty fucking” scene. There were more than a few snickers in the audience when this happened. While I certainly appreciate that Cameron didn’t go full XXX with this scene, it just wasn’t intimate or sensual enough to be properly called a sex scene, yet too much so to be considered a make-out scene. It was something that neither a love scene nor a vital turning point should ever be: bland and middle-of-the-road.

Now, I’m going to list a few plot elements from the movie. I won’t bother using spoiler tags, since you’ve most likely already seen the movie.

• The corporations and governments of Earth want to find a diplomatic way to avoid war, so they send in scientists and SOLDIERS. Where are the professional diplomats? Couldn’t they have sent licensed teachers? What the fuck happened to the Peace Corps in the last 150 years?
• Speaking of which, the Unobtanium Corporation from Earth saw fit to hire a brilliant scientist who literally wrote the book on Pandora and its biology, presumably paying her a fortune for her work and her knowledge. So when she goes to the corporate representative with her best scientific advice, his response is to brush off her lecture as New Age stoner tree-hugging talk without the slightest bit of consideration.
• Very early on, Jake gets lost in the forest of Pandora and his comrades can’t find him. These Avatars are impossible to replace, due to the time, money and genetic material required to make them, and the humans have no way of tracking them?! I’ve seen subdermal GPS trackers as a plot device in Dollhouse and Fringe, so why the hell couldn’t Avatar do something similar?
• On a related note, there’s a point in the movie where Corporate Stooge completely fails to recognize Sully as an Avatar. THIS. SHOULD. NEVER. HAPPEN. For similar reasons as the point above, I cannot believe that the military failed to implement some kind of method to prevent friendly fire. Why the hell don’t the machines and soldiers have some kind of HUD to flag Avatars?
• Sully and Grace go to the Na’vi to try and warn them that the humans are coming and there will be a massacre if the Hometree is not evacuated. The Na’vi instead decide to stay calm and fight off the humans with bows and arrows. This doesn’t work and the Na’vi get their asses handed to them. Well, what did they think was gonna happen?! I mean, it’s not like the Na’vi had never seen humans before. They knew the humans had heavy artillery, they knew that human technology was capable of mass destruction and they knew that Sully and Grace were in a key position to know what they were talking about in terms of impending human threats. This inaction is just inexcusable.
• During the aforementioned massacre, we see everyone back at the home base looking at the destruction with looks on their faces like “What have we done?” Don’t you dare give me that. You bastards knew what you were doing and this is exactly what you asked for. Again, it must be asked: What the hell did you expect?
• After the Hometree goes down in flames, we go back to the ashen remains, sitting calm and undisturbed. Where are the mining vehicles?! The humans should have been over there, digging Unobtanium the very instant that tree went down.
• Human cockpits are strangely weak against arrows during the final battle, though the same aircraft were impervious to the same weapons just the fight before.
• Characters cheat roughly a dozen deaths by holding their breath for impossibly long amounts of time.
• Eywa gives new definition to the phrase “deus ex machina,” as it’s used as a plot device far too conveniently and far too often. We need a reason for Neytiri and her kin to not kill Sully? Eywa. Last-minute reinforcements are on their way? Eywa. Need a way to heal/revive characters? Mystical and poorly set-up ritual involving Eywa. Need a way for Sully to stay on Pandora for good? Ditto.
• The colonel says that they need to “fight terror with terror.” WHAT TERROR?! Throughout the entire movie, the Na’vi had only ever acted in defense of their world and their way of life. Never once, until the very end, did they take an offensive posture against the humans. Terrorism, my aching ass.
• Two human characters are allowed to stay on Pandora. It would be a nice sentiment, except that without Avatars and with only a limited supply of those respirator masks, they’re doomed.

I’m running out of pictures and gifs, so I’ll just roll out this YouTube clip, which I’ve been saving for the best and last: The scene where Sully takes down the dragon I like to call “Big Red.” Two things about this plot point:

1. The actual takedown is offscreen. BULL. SHIT. In that confrontation, Sully was fighting for his last chance at redemption in the eyes of the Na’vi, helping to save Pandora and protecting his own ass. That should have been a tremendous action scene with high stakes and great emotional undertones. Instead, it was just a cut to black. For shame, Cameron.

2. Because the scene took place offscreen, I’m forced to assume that Sully managed to take down Big Red simply by flying up really high and jumping onto it. I simply can’t believe that in all the history of Pandora, only five Na’vi thought to try that.

Yet in spite of these, the many times when I wanted to stand up and shout “BULLSHIT!” at the top of my lungs, I must confess… this movie works. There’s just no other way to put it. The movie miraculously works. I shouldn’t have gotten choked up over the obligatory inspirational pep speech, but I was. I shouldn’t have felt any tension for the fates of these transparent and two-dimensional (heh) characters, but I did. A movie this riddled with cliches and plot holes shouldn’t work, but it absolutely does. Maybe it’s the outstanding score that brought a hefty emotional weight. Maybe it’s the superlative cinematography, color palette and FX work. More likely, though, it’s James Cameron. In the hands of a lesser director — hell, even a different director — this film would have fallen apart entirely.

Actually, I think that may be the reason why this movie has had such a wide range of reactions. This movie hinges on suspension of disbelief, patience for cliches and tolerance for VFX. I don’t think there are any two people on this planet with exactly the same combination of all three.

I predict that in the long run, Avatar will not be remembered as a leap forward but as a stepping stone. When all is said and done, this is just an overlong, glorified and extraordinary demo reel wrapped around a story of debatable quality and significance. I hope that filmmakers and studio execs see this movie and realize what can be done with 3D and how much there is still to do. I hope that this technology can be improved to be faster and more cost-effective. And I hope that when Cameron moves on to his next bigger and better story, he brings his lessons from Avatar with him.