Friday: Work all day on my final project for class.

Saturday: Spend all day preparing for — and marching with my drumline in — one of Portland’s largest parades.

Sunday: Head to a theater to see Snow White & the Huntsman, only to take a fall and tear a ligament in my left leg.

Yeah, it’s been sort of a crappy weekend. And since I can’t distract myself with a new release, it’s time to dig into my DVD queue to find something entertaining. Sounds like as good a time as any to finally watch Enter the Dragon.

The plot to the movie is practically non-existent (case in point: Bruce Lee’s character is simply named “Lee”), but I suppose I should go into greater detail anyway. Lee plays a Shaolin monk with physical and spiritual mastery of the martial arts. After a totally pointless match to kick off the movie, Lee’s sensei tells him about Han (Kien Shih), a former Shaolin monk who went renegade. Han has perverted his Shaolin teachings to suit his own ends, just because he’s a one-dimensional villain. Even better, Han owns a remote tropical island where he routinely kills beautiful women by way of drug overdose. He’s entirely cut off from the outside world, save only for a martial arts tournament that he hosts there every three years. Last but not least, Han has an entire army of martial arts students and seemingly invincible goons at his disposal.

There’s one character who puts it best when he tells Han “Man, you come right out of a comic book.” Swear to God, someone says that to the villain in this movie.

Since the authorities (don’t ask me which ones) don’t have any actual evidence against Han (the numerous dead bodies and missing persons apparently don’t count), they recruit Lee to go to the tournament as a double-agent. Oh, and of course a beautiful young female agent has already been placed there to serve as Lee’s contact. And there’s naturally a colorful cast of stereotypes to serve as Lee’s opponents in the tournament.

Okay, one: If this premise sounds familiar, then you’ve probably played a fighting game at some point in the past twenty years. I can only assume that this is the movie which inspired such amazing stories as the ones found in “Mortal Kombat,” “Street Fighter,” and “Dead or Alive.”

Secondly, it’s easy to see why this movie has been parodied so many times. Hell, the movie is practically a self-parody. The premise is threadbare and loaded with plot holes, the characters are all completely one-dimensional, the line deliveries are uniformly wooden, and the dialogue is horribly written. Moreover, the camerawork is silly, the editing is a joke, the pacing is horrid, and the special effects barely deserve to be called as such. Yet there are still a variety of reasons why this movie is so damn fun to watch.

First and foremost, it’s still readily obvious that a great deal of talent went into this picture. As much crap as I give the movie for being technically flawed, the hall of mirrors fight scene in the climax was masterfully executed. Even if the dialogue is full of groaners, there are still some genuinely funny moments and awesome one-liners to be found here (“Boards don’t hit back.”).

Then we have the fight scenes. I’m sorry to say that the fight sequences do suffer from some ill-advised POV shots, and a lot of the plot’s failings carry over into the fight sequences: Characters act stupidly or irrationally, a whole army attacks one soldier at a time, Bruce Lee is nigh-invincible, etc. With all of that said, the fights are still cleverly choreographed and masterfully executed. This brings me to the second reason why this movie is a load of fun to watch: Kung-fu is awesome. Period. That’s all there is to it.

Thirdly, there’s the fact that the entire movie is played straight. Every single tiny detail about this movie is exaggerated to an absurd degree, and the characters all just take it in stride. Characters spout off mystical martial arts B.S. and everyone buys it. Every line of dialogue sounds like it was written and delivered by someone with only the faintest grasp of the English language, and nobody cares. Lee sounds like a cracked-out rooster when he fights, yet… actually, I can’t fault anyone for failing to comment on that. It hardly makes him any less deadly, after all. Even when he looks like this, who’s going to dare say that he looks ridiculous?

This brings me to Bruce Lee himself. He isn’t just a badass in this film, he’s a man who knows precisely how badass he is. There’s pretty much zero suspense in the film, since it’s patently obvious that no mortal man can hope to defeat him in battle. Even when Lee is sneaking around the island, there’s something almost “Bugs Bunny”-like in how he outsmarts everyone around him like it’s no big thing. This isn’t the kind of character who makes for good drama or suspense, but he’s definitely the kind of guy one would want to live through vicariously. He’s just a great deal of fun to watch.

Enter the Dragon is a textbook example of “so outrageous it’s glorious” action cinema. The plot is paper-thin, the acting is incredibly hammy, and the technical aspects leave a lot to be desired, yet it’s all played so sincerely that the results are hilarious to watch. Moreover, when the film does present us with a moment that’s honestly sublime (several lines and fight sequences came to mind), it just looks all the more impressive and serves as a reminder that someone behind the lens knew exactly what they were doing.

Overall, this movie is one of the undisputed all-time classics among brain-dead films that are a blast to watch. If nothing else, watch it for no better reason than because kung-fu is awesome and you know it.